Books

And finally, one must consider how great the ease of learning
there is in books, how yeilding, how trusty!
How safely we reveal, without shyness, in the face of our books
the poverty of our human ignorance!
They are teachers who instruct us without switches or rods,
without slaps or anger, without notice of rags or riches.
If you approach them, they are not asleep;
If you ask a question, they do not hide;
They do not mutter at you if you make a mistake;
When you are ignorant, they do not know how to laugh at you.

Richard de Bury (Philobiblion, I, 9)

Definition

A dead atheist is someone who's all dressed up with no place to go.

And God said

"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'" -- George Burns